Privilege


George Green lee

 Chapter 8

by

Clover Jernesy

George Greenlee

The owner/bartender shouts, “Hey George, long time, how have you been?” Good!  “How’s the family?” They’re all doing fine. “Here, let me buy you a beer.” No, no, but thanks just the same. “Ah come on; it has been too long. ” Well OK,  just one won’t hurt. “Hey George, come on back” yells Ray one of the guys he used to work with on a construction crew, until George was let go due to his drinking. “It’s nice to see you; what have you been up to lately?” Oh working here and there. George sat down and slowly nursed  his beer, hoping to make it last; without the guys buying him more, but one turned into two and soon George became part of the jovial bunch; accepting drinks and taking turns buying rounds.

Three hours had gone by and George was drunk. He was not only buying drinks for his friends, but also for everyone else in the bar.  He started telling his buddies how this rich investment type had hired him to build his wife a green-house and had shelled out two-thousand dollars for labor and materials to start the job. It was now getting late and George’s buddies recognized it was getting late and began to leave.

George said, “Where ya’ll going? Come on stay and have another drink.” “No’ George,” Ray says. ” I have to get home before the wife sends out a search party for me; she gets upset when, I am not home in time supper.  It was nice seeing you, be careful driving home.” Yea George, I better get going too, Paul said, ” I have to work tomorrow. We are installing a septic pump for old man Crowley. Great seeing you, take care.” Now George was left alone and very intoxicated.

It was nine o’clock p.m. and the owner Benjamin Falstaff walks over to George. “Say buddy were closing in fifteen minutes, you need to get home to your family.” No, no, no, waving his hands. Have a drink it’s on me, reaching into his pocket for some money. “Wait, wait, I have money; where is my money? Where is my god-damn money?” He began digging into his pockets and turning them inside out, but nothing was there except, a used handkerchief and the bank receipt for the money that  was to be used for purchasing the building materials in the morning.

“George, come on buddy it is time for you to go… were closing.” With his face twisted, as if he was having a grand maul seizure and slobbering George blurts out. “Those Sons Of Bitches, took my money.” I have to build a greenhouse with that money, I have to buy materials in the morning. How in the god-damn, hell am, I going to do that without money? “ I don’t know George, but you have to go on home.”  George tells Benjamin and pointing his finger in his face, “You can’t close until you give me my money! “You spent your money George, now come on, I have to lock up.

Taking George by the arm the owner walks him to the door. George in a drunken stupor, now places his head on the owner’s shoulder asked, “Did I give you my money?” No! George! “You bought drinks for the folks, here all night.”  They robbed me! Those dirty sons of bitches! “Nobody robbed you George; Ray and Paul left over an hour ago.” The owner opened the door and walked George to the sidewalk. “Now you go on home to the wife; be careful driving.” He closes the door and watches, George stagger down the sidewalk of his establishment.  He then turns the sign around on the door that reads “closed” and lowers the blinds.

An hour goes by, when Benjamin, the owner of the bar and grill, turns the corner and driving past the front of his establishment. He sees George ‘sprawled, spread eagle’ on the sidewalk passed out. He stops his car and gets out walking over to where George is laying and helps him to his feet. “Come on George.  I’ll take you home.” He tries opening the passenger’s side door, while holding on to George’s arm.

Finally getting the car door open, he positions George, so he can put him into the car. No sooner than he closes the passenger’s door, he hears this god-awful growl, as he gets into the driver’s seat. A familiar, an unforgettable stench slapped him in the face. George had vomited up everything that he ate that day and drank that night. It was all over him, the windshield, front seat and consul. “Oh great, just great, George, why did I stop?” George let out a mumble and fell back to sleep.

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3 responses to “Privilege

  1. I´ll start of by saying the grammar is perfect,the words you use obviously you have no problem with finding words in your minds to describe a situation. Maybe it would be nice a little description about how George looked, fatigued?dirty? I like When you say “George sat down…started drinking the beer” Maybe describe the chair the bar, how the bar smelled how it looked,wooden benches… He´s an alcoholic, you obviously get the sense that he´s reticent to go into a bar but gets pulled in by others. Maybe more description.
    Something like” George started walking alongside Ray, he looked down at his hands. There was no dirt on his fingernails, he didn´t want to end up with dirt on them, but he sensed he would as he entered the bar. The cave that gave him that smell, a bitter-sweet smell of….” Just more description over all. I like to form a picture this guy, I can´t with so little description. Not too much description on the other hand. Just my take on this chapter.

  2. Also, you should maybe organise the blog a little better. Especially if you want people to really read the blog and figure out which category they are going to read one day and see if they like this category more than that other, to organise it better. (By the way you have two Chapters 10 on your front page of the blog. One at the top and the other is the last one on the bottom)

    I say this, (and I´m sure I´m not saying anything new to you)because since people tend not to have too much time for reading a lot of one blog, since they go from blog to blog. If you want someone to focus on the novel, make a note or a category that say´s `here are chapters of my novel´ and put them one after the other in some order. Now they are intertwined,even if I go to the fiction category I find reading other types of writings. It´s confusing. Plus I end up focusing on other writings that are not about the novel. I wouldn`t put a post that tells about the characters, but again I´m confused if your talking about the characters of the novel since the post is a couple of other posts down from the chapters.

    Maybe make a post that´s a synopsis of the novel, because I can´t find any relationship between chapter 8 and 10. I also got confused with the post “Meet Adissa-Untitled novel” She does appear in chapter 10 and this granny person…just make it in a way that you look at the blog and in one post, make a synopsis.That way we can get an idea of what the other posts behind it are going to provide you, or just not make you confused. Goes without saying to not give away the hole candy store.
    I did like very much how the dialogue is written, it´s also a fast paced read.

  3. :), Thank you Charly, this advice is invaluable to me. This is just the kind of critique, I was looking for. Expanding the character and the demographic I can definitely do. It is funny what you said about George looking down at his hands. I was going to add ” As George nervously approached where his friends had gathered, with his beer in one hand and wringing his dirty sweat stained hat in the other etc.You just confirmed that for me. Yes, WordPress is a new platform for me and it’s etiquette. I am bumbling around trying to learn. Is there a way I can still arrange previous post in order? I even saw where one titled Privilege and the other ( Privileged), which is the title. I’m working on getting rid on the draft copy of chapter 10 Untitled. You are a great friend. Thanks ever so much. Now I am going to read your post of today or yesterday ?????

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